Opposite Day Rules

In times of extreme boredom, like after watching movie trailers online for 2 hours, my wife and I may resort to declaring an Opposite Day. It’s foolproof fun. Except, we often just argue about whether or not it’s Opposite Day:

No, because today’s Opposite Day – I’m surprised you didn’t know that.

Wait, today’s not Opposite Day.

You’re wrong, it’s not.

No, you’re right. It is.

Maybe it’s not so foolproof.

So, what are the rules of Opposite Day? You’ve likely asked yourself the same question. Wikipedia provides some guidance:

Usually, a person would say, “After this phrase is over, it will be officially Opposite Day,” and then Opposite Day will be officially started. Opposite Day can also be declared retroactively to indicate that the opposite meaning of what was said should be inferred. Opposite Day games are usually played by schoolchildren. Opposite Day is historically the first Thursday of the Month.

Historically? Schoolchildren? I really like the retroactive option – arguing about whether or not it was opposite day is much more controversial than arguing about whether or not it is. But, you shouldn’t have to qualify it with “After this phrase is over…” Those two guidelines seem contradictory.

And so, the definitive list of Opposite Day rules:

  1. No lying
  2. No biting
  3. No preemptive warnings are necessary because you can never actually initiate an Opposite Day, only remind someone what day it is. Hence, the statement “today is Opposite Day” is invalid, when Rules 1 and 2 are in effect. There is only one way to declare an Opposite Day: “today is not Opposite day.” However, this statement, on its own, has no meaning since it can be made on any day of the year, Opposite or not.

Yes, today is not opposite day. Yes, I’m lying.